Grocery Store Track and Field



On top of the already surmounting pile of issues Zion is dealing with right now…well, spring has sprung.

And pollen is in full bloom.

Poor lil buddy.  He is sputtering and coughing to the point that he gags.  I cannot get it under control.  We have even taken him to his pediatrician, knowing full well it is seasonal allergies, just to get a clear bill of health.  The prognosis?

Sinus drainage due to allergies.


Zion has been home from his daily therapy all week.  Thanks to understanding coworkers, an amazing boss, and generous grandparents, we have been able to keep Z on lockdown so that only part of the population is hosed down in his flying mucous.

But even Supermom runs out of groceries.  So we had to make a quick trip to the store.

I swear we were there less than 5 minutes.  I was on a dead run.  I had a coughing child with me, but we were out of the essentials.  Apples, apple juice, and applesauce.

I tossed Zion into the big part of the cart and took off on a dead run.  After swerving around 3 old ladies, and leaping over a rogue toddler, I grabbed a bag of apples and kept running.  Zion let out a loud cough, and I accidentally made eye contact with a staring woman about my age.

“He sounds miserable,” she said.

Ya think?

Translation: You’re a terrible mother and a disappointment to society for bringing that germfest into public.  Now get your precious apples and get the hell out.

I managed to duck through the bread section unscathed, and minx stealthily through housewares before spotting the juice aisle.

Empty!  Score!

After scaling a canning display, I darted down the juice aisle, grabbed my gallon of contraband and kept running.

Now just one more item.  Applesauce.

As I turned down the aisle, I saw a sea of women and children.  Okay, it wasn’t a sea, it was 2.  One woman who was by herself, and the other who was with a small child and was talking on her cell phone.  I thought to myself, “Self, surely you can jog through this aisle, unnoticed, grab your applesauce and be on with it.”

No such luck.

As we passed the toddler-having female on her cell phone, (did I mention she was on her cell phone?) Zion let out a cough that sounded much like a baby seal auditioning for a Broadway lead in Seals: The Musical.

The young lady didn’t even look at us, she muttered just loud enough for me to hear, “Put a mask on that kid.”

Anyone who knows me is already laughing.  Those who do not know me, should know that the enormous grizzly mama bear dwelling inside of me is lurking directly beneath the skin.  She can burst forth at any moment.  Especially when someone is messing with either my kids or my money.

In my head, it unfolded like this:  I growled so loudly her hair blew back, I unhinged my jaw, and swallowed her whole.  But I spit her back out because she tasted like Judgement and iPhone…and then she was the one who had to wear the mask, due to being mauled by a bear.

In reality, I bit my lip and kept running, grabbed the applesauce and slid through the checkout lane in just under 2 minutes flat.


Parenting is exhausting.



  One thought on “Grocery Store Track and Field

  1. Andrea
    April 17, 2014 at 12:58 pm

    ROFL…I love you, Burchie. And I love your stories. 🙂 I hope your little buddy feels better soon and you showed much more restraint than I would have. Good for you! Hugs

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